I’ve been thinking a little lately about how much I haven’t written on my website, so I think it’s about time I start talking a little bit more about me. From the beginning I’ve wanted to use this place as somewhere to just blurt stuff out and release a bit of energy.
One good part of living on the internet under an assumed name is that I can talk about things a little more deeply without risk of revealing some of my deeper, darker thoughts to friends, family and colleagues.
As a bisexual woman in a very private same sex partnership, I don’t often reveal a great deal about myself. I also spent some of my younger years exploring my sexual self in the Melbourne kink scene, though I haven’t dabbled in that space for a number of years.
My fascination in that time was a fantasy about being a dominatrix, a fantasy I suspect a lot of women also share.
I used to hit the “darker” places in Melbourne in lots of black leather, and most definitely the quintessential thigh-high boots of a dominant woman. My already existing love-affair with high heels helped me be more than comfortable strutting out like that.
I experienced a lot of interaction with submissive men and women, and absolutely explored my dominant side. This was predominantly with men.
While that era of my life has dissipated away into the background, I do think back lovingly at some of those experiences, and do still love zipping myself into some supremely gorgeous boots.
And yes, I do still have bossy tendencies in the bedroom sometimes!
Lately however, I’ve been trying to understand the needs I fulfilled within myself when I was playing in that space. I like to understand as much of myself as I can.
I’ve been working in the construction industry for most of my adult life, and quite successfully so – however certainly in the beginning, and still to quite some extent today, it is a male-dominated industry.
Growing up I loved watching things being built, and seeing neighbourhoods change and develop over time – so I knew I wanted to be involved.
But being accepted in such a kingdom of testosterone? That was hard, and until I hit my stride, I was often derided and minimised because I was “just a girl”.
And yes I copped the wolf-whistles, which was humiliating.
So getting out in the scene when I was in my twenties and discovering a way to push back and put the boys on their knees for a change – (despite it being a mostly sexual experience) – was a life balance I needed.
Taking back some control, and putting the boys in their own place for a little while.
It’s still a small part of my sexual self, and my partner and I do mix things up from time to time in that regard.
Girls, I guess what I am saying is if you not feeling super empowered in your life, do something about it. It helped me immensely to shift that balance.
I’m not saying go out and turn yourself into a dominatrix – (though it was fun for me!) – but what I want to say is that if you need to step up for your own sake, find yourself a way.
Whatever form it takes, find your inner strength and express your girl power!
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